Navigating New Connections and Networking
I love attending parties, social events, or generally any occasion with my best friend. Her ability to connect with people she just met is remarkable. Within minutes, guards are down, the witty banter is free-flowing, people are laughing, and personal stories are being shared like we have known each other for years. Her networking skills, especially in a room full of strangers, are impressive. I always leave the experience learning things I never expected, feeling a wonderful bond with everyone involved and completely in awe of her skills.
As a natural introvert and anxious person, who prefers to observe more than be in the middle of the action, I struggle with all sorts of social situations. By far, the hardest social situation is navigating the awkwardness of meeting new people, especially in a work or networking environment. Making new connections and networking in the business world is so stressful, and can be so overwhelming!
KEY CAREER SKILL
The ability to connect with and talk to anyone while building a connection, especially with a complete stranger, is an important skill to develop as you navigate your career. Mind you, that is any career, not just one in the business world or sales. There will be many situations as you navigate your career where you must network or connect with a room full of people that you have never met. Whether it is meeting a new boss or colleague, starting a new job, working cross-functionally within your organization, or attending a seminar or trade show, learning to connect and build trust right away is a vital skill to cultivate.
MY TOP 3 CHALLENGES
I still struggle with navigating the following:
- What to talk about?
- How to reduce my anxiety?
- How to relax and enjoy the process?
I know that I am not alone, both extraverts and introverts alike have a challenging time networking in a room full of strangers. It is not easy. So lets dive in and unpack these with some helpful tricks.
ANSWERS FROM A SURPRISING SOURCE… TED LASSO
Over the years I have noted and observed many brilliant examples of great networkers, practiced strategies and read books, but recently found some brilliant clarity from a very surprising source, the latest AppleTV+ series, Ted Lasso.
NOT YOUR TYPICAL SPORTS-THEMED COMEDY
Ted Lasso, played by Jason Sudeikis, is an insanely positive, resilient human from Wichita, Kansas, who moves to England to coach a premier league football team. Yes, an American football coach, with very little knowledge of British football! So, of course, most of the characters he encounters already dislike and underestimate him just based on this single fact alone.
I found myself captivated by Ted’s over the top positivity. Frankly it is laughable in the first episode, as it crosses into extremely cheesy. But by the end, Ted Lasso and his philosophy has won you over! Besides being extremely well written and acted, the show is well worth your time especially for all the amazing leadership triumphs, managerial wisdom, and positivity nuggets that are the prevalent theme throughout. Overall Ted Lasso was a moving story and it made me think. Ted and Coach Beard illustrated leadership fundamentals in a very uplifting and positive way. It had heart. So much that I have actually watched the series in its entirely a few times!
I guarantee that you will find yourself replaying the leadership gems in your head over and over! I have even found that quoting many of them to myself during the navigation of stressful work situations has proven to be instrumental. So what theme helped me reframe my mindset and anxiety around, “what to talk about?”
1. CURIOUS NOT JUDGMENTAL
There is a powerful scene where Ted enters into a competitive game of darts with the main antagonist, who is a total jerk. He clearly thinks that Ted is a joke and underestimates him completely. In a rare and pointed monologue, all while schooling the entire bar on how to dominate at darts, Ted shares the story of his discovery of the wise Walt Whitman quote, “Be curious, not judgmental.”
Diving deeper, Ted says that he as been underestimated his entire lifetime. Sharing that it bothered him for a long time that people were so judgmental, “all of them fellers that belittled me, not one of them was curious.”
GET CURIOUS
This is where I had my epiphany moment. Ask lots of questions… and do it free from judgement. Curiosity was the visual and mental queue that I needed to hear to help me figure out or at least to approach the challenge of what to talk about with a framework.
Lesson one: people know when you are genuinely interested and want to learn more about them. Everyone loves talking about themselves when you are genuinely interested. Lesson two: people know when they are being judged. So, ask questions and get curious from a genuine place!
Sharing the scene below for your viewing pleasure!
PUTTING CURIOSITY INTO ACTION
The Walt Whitman quote i have heard many times, but Ted’s speech brought it home for me in a very relatable way. I too could adopt this strategy! I had not connected it before, but being genuinely curious was what my best friend had been doing all those years to help her navigate any social situation! She is fascinated by people. I have even heard just come out and say, “so what’s your story?” So, I put my new inspiration to work and tested it in an awkward business interaction.
I was placed in a zoom “breakout room” with a handful of people that I did not know. Perfect time to test my new strategy! Curiosity hat on, I jumped right into asking questions about the other participants. It did not take long before the conversation was flowing freely and everyone was chatting away.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was less stressful to think about putting my curiosity hat on. Seems simple! I even found myself defusing a few stressful situations by asking questions or using inquisitive cues. The lessons were plentiful! People really do LOVE talking about themselves. I come alive when I am not judging or being super critical of myself and my actions. Added bonus, being curious is so much more enjoyable, enlightening, and fulfilling than being judgmental. It can even spread beyond just the social and interaction side of business. How magical would that be if we could be more curious about new ideas, inspiration, talents, and abilities, instead of judging them!
2. BE A GOLDFISH
As you navigate your career and develop your skills in everything from leadership and team development to social interaction and collaboration, mistakes will be made. It is a natural part of learning. Getting hung up on failures, hiccups, mistakes or screw-ups often prevents us from growing or worse achieving our potential. Learning to be able to let those go and not dwell on failures is one of the most important skills to develop! If I could quickly let go of mistakes then It would be much easier for me to navigate a room full of strangers! The anxiety would be lifted.
Ted Lasso had a wonderful metaphor for this challenge. In the series, after a mistake leads to a goal by the opponents, Ted shares with his player, “You know why the goldfish is the happiest animal on earth?” The player is puzzled and Lasso answers, “Got a 10-second memory… be a Goldfish!”
Have a short memory. Seems so simple. Acknowledge the problem or issue, determine and apply the learnings then just as quickly—move on and move forward.
THE GOLDFISH METAPHOR IN ACTION
This one really helped me with my second challenge area – How to reduce my anxiety? Sure, it is extremely hard for me to let things go. I waste so much time and energy on things outside of my control! It will require some diligent focus, but using “be a goldfish,” as a little reminder that I need to let it go, really helps!
I often use, “let it roll off your back,” “give zero Fs” or “don’t let that rent space in your head.” There is something to visualizing the happy goldfish that really helped me. Sure it is important to be upset about mistakes and think through what might have gone wrong. But give it 10 seconds, take your lessons and then move on.
3. RIDE A HORSE
“Takin’ on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse. If you’re comfortable while you’re doin’ it, you’re probably doin’ it wrong.”
~ Ted Lasso
Once you can acknowledge that something is hard and is generally hard for everyone, it is much easier to tackle, undeterred. Pretty clear and straightforward, just packaged in a fun way to remember it, “Ride a Horse!” Just like riding a horse, once you get past the difficulty and challenges, you may relax and enjoy the ride! You are not alone, everyone finds meeting new people, making meaningful connections and networking with strangers very difficult!
There you have them:
1. Be Curious, Not Judgmental.
2. Be a Goldfish
3. Ride a Horse
Thanks to Ted Lasso I have some helpful tips to aid me as I work on what to talk about, reducing my anxiety and how to relax and enjoy the process of meeting new people. If you haven’t seen the series, I highly recommend it. It sure was a masterclass in leadership and the power of positivity! Hope that these helpful tips can help you navigate networking and new connections too!
“Unlocking Us” podcast with Brené Brown is marvelous.
(Brené interviews Ted Lasso co-creators, writers and lead characters—Jason Sudeikis and Brendan Hunt.)
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